and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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