how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
