The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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