he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
