I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize