Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
