I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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