I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
