Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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