I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
