____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
