I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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