You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
