I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
