I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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