I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
