haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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