no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
