no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
