Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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