after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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