please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
