dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize