Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
