So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
