Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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