i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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