i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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