All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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