i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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