He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
love makes seman taste better
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
