And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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