I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
