rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
