Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
