Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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