i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize