Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
