I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
