I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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