We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
