dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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