fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
