I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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