I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
