dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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