I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
