So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
