I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
