Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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