you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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