What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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