Having a random hookup so left but love u
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
