I need help removing her.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
