dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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