the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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