She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
