also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
