Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
