dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I supernannyed him into submission
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
