Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
