remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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