I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
