Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
