wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
