i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we made out on top of his cat.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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