If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
