So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
