I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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