pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
