Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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