I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
