I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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