Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
