Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
me + whiskey = a bad person
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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