My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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