WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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