Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
