I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
