Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
