I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
